I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
