wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
