Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
