My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
3pm strippers are depressing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
