So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
