Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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