While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
