my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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