i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
