I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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