So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
