ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize