I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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