so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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