I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
