I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
