I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
