Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
FUCK WHALES
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
