Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
