is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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