I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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