Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
