Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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