I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
