How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So squirting runs in the family.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
