i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
