i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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