Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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