i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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