My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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