You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
