No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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