thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
