how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
