And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
