There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
