So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
