um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
