sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
