i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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