I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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