I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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