thus making me awesome and them whores
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
