Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
