they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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