saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
