her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
