The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
