so that wasnt chicken after all
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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