I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
