fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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