The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
