If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
