We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
