Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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