Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
