After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
