Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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