That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
