I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
