Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
