So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
