shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
