my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
