I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
