Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she looked like the before picture.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
