That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
